CursedCrushedLost
by Skye of theClouds
Summary: Light was to live a cursed life, a damned life. He was made to suffer for his mistake for the rest of his life. He would have grown to accept this, Until a little angel came down to damn him more.LxLight
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

Such warm hands. Such irresistibly **warm** _sweet_ hands, loosened there grip from Lights shoulders. Sugar-coated lips that spoke the cold truth so many times, struggled to form the words they so desperately wanted to say.

L knew he was going to die someday. He knew his chance of dieing doing his job was great. And if he had to die in such a way, he was glad he died gazing into Lights distraught honey-golden eyes. Not the Light that had the blood lust of a million sharks, or a glare that pierced like glass. He was looking at the real Light, his only friend, his true rival and companion, and even the keeper of the raven-haired detective's heart. He would die happy knowing that for a few seconds, Light had cast down the dark spell of the death note.

The moment L closed his eyes an embrace so inviting engulfed him. He felt at peace with the world, his worldly fears subsided as he felt a cushioned ground underneath him. The weight of death brushed of his eyelids as he opened them. He looked around as he adjusted to the pleasantly bright light. After less then a minute of taking in his surroundings, L was met by a familiar face.

"Welcome to the land of justice L."


	2. Light

Disclaimer- I own nothing…

Light was stunned. He thought his plan was perfect. It was flawless; or so he thought. He had thought of every situation, had incorporated every variable. But guilt. _Guilt_**!** An emotion Light had never felt a day in his life was now swamping him. It was drowning him with strange useless thoughts and keeping him up at night in the process. Visions of L floating in Mu toyed with his mind. They made him want to never go to bed in fear that he would see them so clearly, so painfully **real** he would wake up in tears. _"But why?"_ Light would ask him self. "_Why? He was in my way! He wanted to defy me…"_ Some where deep in Lights psyche he knew he was wrong. He knew that playing God was dangerous, but his other half didn't think it, his other half lusted for the blood of the unjust. _"But what about L, he didn't do anything wrong…"_ Light growled in confusion. _"Of all the people to worry about…L? He'll be fine." _Light had repeated these last words many times throughout his L-less years. "He'll be fine, he'll be fine…" It didn't mean anything anymore, in fact the words failed to bring any comfort at all. It was just something that he felt needed to be said…

Light got up from his desk. He had a new apartment now, courtesy of his dad for the sake of the 'Kira case'. _"Am not even killing people anymore!"_ Light let a sigh of frustration pass his lips. He killed so many to freely be Kira, and now that he could, it just didn't seem to matter. He had put the 'investigation' on halt fault for the sake of getting his life back on track, as well as giving everyone else a chance to do the same. It had taken a bit of sweet talking but he managed to convince everyone to take a break. A break that had never really seemed to end… Eventual the investigation team started meeting again, regardless of if Light was there or not. And most of the time Light just didn't show up. He would hide in his room and think of all the terrible things he had done, all so he could kill L. So he would be happy. But he wasn't and the only person he had ever felt equal to was gone.

_"What am I going to do?!"_ Light slammed his head against the desk. He felt a stinging in the back of his eyes, a stinging that was foreign to him. _"Am I serious going to cry?"_

"Light-kun! Light-kun are you in there?"

Light's tears dried behind his eyes. An annoyingly familiar voice was coming from the other side of the door.

"Light-kun?" The door creaked open to relive an overjoyed Misa-misa.

"Is Light-kun okay, he looks pale? Don't look so sad! The wedding is only a week away!"


	3. Is

L looked around once more. The supernatural light surrounding him scorched his eyes.

"Come now L. It stings at first but its quiet pleasant once you get used to it."

L scrunched his eyes, his nose wrinkled and he lifted his hands to block out the light. "Watari?" L stood, frozen in shock. "Watari! How did you get here?"

"The same way you got here." Watari returned L's question with a smile. "It appears we are both dead."

"I suppose that means I was right then…" L felt his heart shred its self to pieces. He _knew_ he was right. He should have trusted his head, not the illogical bubbly sensations of his heart.

"There's no use on dwelling on it, besides, someone wanted to speak to you."

"Who? And how did they know I was here."

"Someone by the name of Hidenori. Everyone here can see what happens on earth. We saw what was coming before you were aware."

L nodded. To him there was no use trying to comprehend the supernatural. There was no logic that could ever he applied.

"Watari, what is this place?"

"This is where people go when they have spent there lives devoted to a just cause."

"Causes such as…"

"Justice, child safety, protection of civilians…"

"I see……"

"_Such vague topics…it seems like nothing is specified, does that mean that just anyone can get here if they claim to have done something good for society?" _

After what seemed like less then a minute, L and Watari came across a man, sitting on what appeared to be a hill of cloud and light. He had buggy, bulging eyes, a large head, and skinny, lanky body.

"Hello There. L" The man smiled. Showing large, chipped, discolored teeth.

"Hello Hidenori" L's chaotic black blotchy spikes of hair stood on end. He didn't trust this man. It was clear he didn't take care of him self in life. Which only left three choices: he lived in an impoverished country, he had very low self esteem and didn't deem it important for him to care for himself, or that he was a criminal. And seeing as his smile oozed over confidence, it certainly wasn't the second or first choice.

"So L. I hear you were a detective. You were even working on the infamous Kira case."

"Yes, that is correct."

"You know, while you worked, and toiled running in circles, even though you knew who Kira was, that bastard was still killing criminals."

L knew where this was going and he didn't like it.

"You know…an awful lot of people were being killed. And I don't think you cared."

L's suspicions were conformed. The requirements for getting into this supernatural place were very vague indeed. So much that a crazed criminal would be able to get in.

"I was one of those people."

"Am sorry to here that."

Hidenori gave L a cold glare. "**You **don't mean that. **You **just sat and ate your cakes as he killed!"

L winced. He wasn't proud of what he had done. If it was up to him relaying on hunches he would have locked up Kira a long time ago. Then again……

"Me, being the considerate person that I am, want to give you another chance."

"What do you mean by that?" L knew Hidenori was bluffing, but to find out more, he would go along with it.

"I want you to- wait. You." Hidenori pointed to Watari. "Go. This doesn't concern you."

Watari glanced at L, who nodded in constant. The man deserved peace after death, not the endless toiling that L was doomed to deal with.

"Good. Now what I want you to do, is go back down to earth as a ghost and convince Kira that he wants to go back in time and stop him self from killing you."

"I understand how this would benefit me, but how would this help you?"

"Ha! Why should I tell you! Just do as you're told!"

"But why should I listen."

"We are not all equals here! I am stronger then you, that should be reason enough to listen! Did you think that you'd be free after death?! HA! The longer you're here, the stronger you become. You want a demonstration? Look over here!"

L took a step closer as Hidenori parted the clouds at his side. An alleyway on earth was shown. A man and a women where fighting over what seemed to be a purse. And the woman was winning. One hand had a strong grip on the purse, and another was fumbling with pepper spray, she was trying her best to aim, but her hand wasn't steady.

"Watch." With a slight flick of his finger a lose brick fell from the top of a near by building. It tumbled down unto the lady, and she crumpled to the floor. The man ran of with the purse. Grinning like a greedy cat.

"You have to stay here a while, but its worth it. You can uphold justice." Hidenori grinned with triumph.

L was appalled. This was something…a corrupt afterlife…

"Is this what you have been doing?"

"Well yes…but the power only goes so far…"

"What do you mean."

"_It's clear that I have to treat him like a suspect I am interrogating. I will get no where if I treat this like a normal conversation. Why could this man want me to live, is it because I pose a threat to his power in the after-life? That must be it…Or at least I'll continue based on that." _

"I don't have to tell you! Are you ready to do as you're told?"

"I don't see any consequences as to not following your orders."

"You don't do you. Well, this Kira, he is no longer protected by fate. I can do to him as I please. And I can assure you, he won't be coming to meet you here." Hidenori let out an odd deranged laugh.

L didn't completely understand, but before Hidenori's words sunk in, he felt a rush of cold air beat past his skin, chilling him far past his bones. It seemed to scrap at his soul. The feeling seemed to last an eternity. The other-worldly light seemed to become dimmer and dimmer until it appeared to be completely dark; until L opened his eyes. He found that he was standing in the old investigation headquarters. He felt another eerie chill crawl through his spine. He remembered that** this** is where he died.


	4. Not

The Pain of his death rushed back to him. It wasn't the pain of the heart attack it self that was haunting, it was the person that caused it. The fact that Light had wanted him out of the way so badly was chilling. The rejection stung more then the heart attack. At least with that the pain ends with death. But this sad, gloomy feeling of rejection seemed to stick with him to the grave.

"_Well, since am here, I might as well see what's been happening in my absence. I wonder how much time has passed…"_ L lazily looked down to his feet, and found, as he had expected that he could see through them.

"_So then I am truly a ghost, then perhaps…" _L lifted his leg lazily of the ground followed by the other. He found him self wobbling in mid air, the lack of solid anything below him was startling but it was amazing none the less.

"_Now…based on the dust that's been collecting, I'd say no ones been here in a while…perhaps I should look for someone close to Light…"_

L fazed through the walls. He shivered as he felt the sensation of metal pass through him_. "Perhaps I should look for Matsuda, or Aizawa, I wonder what there up to…"_

L made his way outside; he floated lazily down the sidewalk, going nowhere in particular. He came across a billboard, a girl smiling back at him, long blond pony tails and a happy-go-lucky smile made it clear who she was.

"_Misa… that's how I'll find him…" _

---

L didn't know what to do with him self. He had looked over the billboard carefully. It said that Misa would be holding a concert near by, and that the day it was held, was in fact the same day a near by digital clock had said. L was worried his plan would work fail. What if Light and Misa weren't together? Or what if Light had somehow barred her from seeing him. There were too many **ifs **to think about. They haunted L all the way to a spot where Misa was said to be giving her concert, and the hours that he waited for it to begin.

--

L was never used to large groups of people, nor loud sounds. So when the concert began, L was grateful for the fact no one could see him cover his translucent ears and crouch into a ball. He contemplated how people would enjoy gathering so close together, to listen to music that was louder then health would allow. Once the concert was over, L floated at a steady pace against the stream of people leaving.

He found his way on stage and chased after Misa. She was moving pretty fast, congratulating staff on the concert as she went. She was practically running toward a car parked conveniently outside the staff exit. She hoped in and the car went full speed. L glided towards the car and clutched at the bumper. He's body floating nearly inches from the ground.

--

The car finally came to a stop in front of an apartment building. L's hands released there grip on the car. He sighed with relief. He drifted after a running Misa once more, this time with less vigor. If he lost her trail, her foot steps would be heard clearly. L followed her trail for five more flights of steps, till she walked to the end of the hall, and opened the door. He fazed though it, and sighed exasperated. From the looks of things, Kira was still up to his old tricks. A set of monitors were set up in one corner of the room. A coffee table stacked with papers was set in the middle, and nearly all the members of the old task force were sitting around the room. They all appeared to be in deep discussion, eyes so intent on each other, no one noticed Misa walk in. L continued down the hall, he chose to go through the open door instead of the wall and watched as Misa tackled Light. But what L saw, he was certain, wasn't Light. This being sitting in a corner of the room was a shadow of what Light once was.

This wasn't Kira. At least not any more.


	5. aware

Thanks to all who reviewed. Reviews are my waffles....yummy waffles...

-----

He was frail, this "Light". The Light L knew was strong and radiated a glow of over inflated confidence. This…this thing… Yes he was Light, he still had mischievous eyes and a models body, but they seemed to have been dulled. But by what?

L fell into deep thought as Misa hugged and coddled Light.

"_What on earth happened here? I know he's Kira. There is no doubt in my mind, but then why isn't he happy? He has the world in the palm of his hand. What more could he possibly want." _

"Is Light-kun okay, he looks pale? Don't look so sad! The wedding is only a week away!"

The words had seemed to hit both L and Light like jagged mud covered bricks.

"_What wedding!" _L thought. _"Light hates this girl, what has possessed him to agree to this." _The concept of Light being bound to someone else for the rest of his life bothered the raven-haired detective more then he would have ever liked to admit. L felt his heart clench and his stomach eat itself. But L, having had no need for emotion for years at a time in his life, ignored this.

Light was feeling similar feelings along with a touch of nausea. He didn't want to marry the blond bobbling thing in front of him. But he had to for the sake of settling down. It wasn't like he could dump the girl, she would probably stalk him. And that would cause more trouble then Light had energy for lately.

He gave a slight nod to Misa's statement and endured yet another hug as she skipped from the room, closing the door behind her.

"_Why…"_ Light sighed. He ran his hands through his hair. _"Why did it have to be L. Why couldn't it have been anyone else that? Why did L have to oppose me!" _

"I miss him." Light mumbled. He looked up, his eyes resting on the spot that L was standing. His honey brown orbs drizzled in tears that threatened to tumble down his checks.

L was shocked, his equal, a genius to match his own, was alone, struggling with tears in a dreadfully dark room. _"Perhaps I should console him? But he can't even see me what would be the use in that." _

As L pondered this, Light broke out into sobs. He crumpled in his chair.

"_What is this! Who has done this to him? How can I even attempt this task if he can't see me!"_ Anger, despair and a sadness stronger then L's will over took him. The emotions were stronger then L cared to feel. A rush of cold air hit L like a punch. He saw the color return to his feet and quickly looked to see the same happening to his hands.

"What the-"L looked up to see Light staring at him, mortified.

"Ummm…" L stumbled to find something suitable to say. Since nothing seemed to fit with the situation. He stuck with the obvious.

"You can see me?"

If Light was in the right state of mind, he would have commented on L's dumb statement, but he wasn't, so he just nodded.

"I…am dead." It wasn't a question; in fact it was barely a statement. The words came out before the onyx eyed man had a chance to contemplate them.

"Yeah." Light's voice came out in a raspy whisper.

"Why?"

"I had no choice."

"You could have turned your self in."

"I know."

"You didn't have to kill me." L was lying. If Light were to ever have a chance to succeed, he would have had to take the detective's life.

"I had to."

"No you didn't. I liked you. I gave to the benefit of the doubt."

"You were just waiting for evidence." Unexplainable Anger boiled in Light.

"It doesn't matter. That's not what am here for."

"Go away!" Lights eyes widened. He griped the sides of his chair and scrunched him self into a ball. "Go away…go away…go away… YOU'RE NOT REAL!"

"Wha?" L sat him self on the bed, hunched over, in deep thought. _"Has he been seeing things… How long have I been gone?" _

He looked at Light. His gaze un wavering. "Am real. And I'll prove it."

He got up once more and floated out of the room, fazing through the wall. When he came back, he had Misa's death note in hand.

"She doesn't hide this well, does she?" He reached into his pockets to retrieve a lighter. "And she doesn't put these away after lighting her candles, either."

With a flick of his thumb, the lighter burped bits of flame, and the death note went right over them. The book caught fire quickly. Light watched in horror as his mass murdering weapon turned to ash.

"Now that that's out of the way…" L floated over the ash, and set him self comfortably on top of Lights desk.

"I have a proposition for you."


	6. that

"Proposition my ass!" Light practically flew up from his chair.

"I can a sure you Light-kun, the proposition has nothing to do with your ass."

Light growled. His anger was slowly over taking his depression. "So you are L, or a ghost of L, or maybe you're just a ghost! I don't care just leave."

"Light-kun must remember he is talking to an appellation. I doubt explaining to your guests who you're screaming at would go over well."

"Go! I don't care what brought you here! Leave now."

"I think Light-kun has mood swings, a minute ago he was depressed, in fact I could have swore he was saying he was missing someone."

"For the love of-"

"Who? God? The last time I checked Light-kun seemed to think he was one."

Light sighed, he plopped himself on his bed. "What do you want? Why have you come back? To haunt me?"

"As fun as that would be no. As I've said before, I have a proposition."

"And what makes you think about that I'll listen and comply?"

"Well seeing as your peace of mind is on the line. I would think you would."

"Well I want no part in whatever it is that you're planning."

"I promise to leave when I tell you."

"I don't care. I don't make deals with undead beings. Let alone undead beings that cause me massive trouble. I can't give Misa my own death note; it's obvious she hasn't been hiding it properly…"

"Are you saying that you haven't been doing your own killing? Have you been so busy you can't even carry out your duties as a God?"

"Stop mocking me. If you have nothing else to do then go away."

"I won't till you hear me out."

"Well you're going to be waiting a while; I have no intention of listening to you." Light lied back and turned on his side.

"Am going to bed."

"Then I'll be here when you wake Light-kun."

"No you won't deranged banshee."


	7. Raven

"Light…Light! We have a problem!"

"What" Light woke, tiered and groggy. He had convinced him self that yesterday was a dream, that he was asleep the whole time and that his mind was just playing cruel tricks on him. He sat up and wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Light! Are you listening to me? Its missing!"

"What?" Light looked up to find Misa hovering over him. Wide eyed and worried.

"Its missing! My notebook is missing. I went to go write down names just a few minutes ago and it wasn't were I left it."

"What!" Light was on his feet in a matter of seconds, racing to Misa's room. "Were did you last leave it?"

"I left it right here, right on my dresser."

"Why would you leave it out in the open! Anyone could have come in and have taken it!"

"Am sorry! I didn't think anyone would come in here."

Light tore through Misa's things in a panicked frenzy. He didn't want to believe the Death note was gone. He wasn't able to stand the thought. He couldn't possibly trust Misa with his death note. This incident proved that.

"_No. No no no no no!" _The honey-eyed man rushed back to his room, to find his fears confirmed. A pile of untouched ash lay on the floor, as well as a smirking L, perched on the desk.

"Am still here Light-kun."

"Go away!" Light pulled at his hair. _"This isn't happening it isn't real…"_

"If Light-kun would just listen…"

"No I won't!" Light crawled back into bed.

"Liiight! Did you find it?" Misa came into Lights room and ran over to him when she saw the anxiety on his face.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I forgot to tell you that I burned your notebook. It's to risky having two so I'll give you mine. I'll keep a few pages for myself."

"Your so smart! I would have never thought of it that way!"

"That doesn't surprise me." L's statement made Light stifle a laugh.

"Here." Light went his desk to retrieve his notebook and ripped several sheets of it before giving it to Misa.

"Am gonna go and put it in a safe place."

"Some how I don't believe that." L hoped of the desk and followed Misa into her room.

"By the way, I have two different photo shoots today, so I'm going to be out all day. The task force is meeting tomorrow, so don't forget this time!"

"Okay!"

After an hour and a half of showering and primping Misa was out the door. Which left Light to tend to making both there beds, and making sure there was some type of food on the table when she returned.

"Is Light-kun Misa's housekeeper?"

Light was in the middle of straightening Misa's sheets when he heard L's comment. He sighed as he bent over to flatten all of the wrinkles across the bed.

"Are you here just to annoy me?"

"No. I can assure you Light-kun, I would much prefer to enjoy my after-life, and not have to harass my murderer."

L fazed into Misa's room. "Since Light-kun is too stubborn to agree to listen to me, I'll make him listen."

Light turned around to find that L was standing dangerously close to him. L's stony onyx eyes were glaring at Light in a strange thoughtful way. The raven-haired man had his thumb resting on his bottom lip. Light fell backward onto the bed, slightly stunned by the small distance between them.

L, catching on to Light's discomfort, closed the distance between the two of them. He rested his elbows on either side of Light, they were so close there noses touched. Light visibly flinched at the unnecessary contact.

"Does Light-kun not like the lack of distance between us?" L's voice was riddled with cynical delight. He loved watching Light squirm.

"Get off of me."

"Am not 'on' you Light-kun, but I can if you want me to be."

Light felt his cheeks burn. L's breath was grazing over his face. It had a soft sugary smell to it too that made Light swoon. He looked away from L, feigning annoyance. "I have to go make diner."

"Light-kun, its only noon."

Light became highly aware of L's obsidian eyes, smirking at him. There stare melting him from the inside out.

"Now that I have Light-kun's attention, my proposition has to do with my murder. If you admit that you regret killing me, then it might be possible for you to go back in time and make that happen." (Or at least that's what L thought Hidenori meant, the man wasn't very clear)

"Are you stupid? You come back from the dead, straight back to your murder in hopes of coming back alive! Has death made you dumb?"

"I don't appreciate your insults Light-kun, I'll have you know due to certain circumstances I cannot rest in the afterlife."

A look of anguish past the raven-haired mans eyes for barely a second. But a second was all it took for Light to notice.

"Why, did you go to hell?"

A strong yet stoic look returned to L's eyes. "No. contrary to _Kira's_ opinion, I didn't go to hell. I went to a place far more complex and strange. It would benefit us both if you just agreed to my deal."

"Why would I do that when I could see you suffer in the afterlife?"

"Because if you don't…" L leaned into Light's ear, nuzzling his golden-brown hair out of the way. "I'll make your life a living hell."

L dragged each word out, making each syllable painfully clear.

To Lights dismay, his enemies' voice was more pleasing then he would have ever hoped and his perfectly tan skin was now turning a tomato red.

"Light-kun! Why are you laying in my bed! You're red are you okay?"

Both Light and L looked up to find Misa had walked in on them, bouncy and jittery as always, completely oblivious to the elbow impressions near Light's ears.

"Yeah, am fine. What are you doing home so early?"

"Oh! Am not staying, I just came home to pick up my cell phone, I'm sorry I haven't called. I'll be going now; I'll talk to you soon!"

With that Misa was out the door once more.

Once they heard the door click shut, the ebony-eyed man on top of Light turned to continue to stare at him.

"You were turning _red_ Light-kun?"

"No. Don't flatter your self."

"I didn't know that Light-kun found me attractive."

"You're a deformed ghost of an insomniac that couldn't stand nor sit straight. I think I'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb to be attracted to you."

The words hit L more then he thought they would. He knew that an insult was coming; he didn't think it would hurt as much as it did.

"I know what I look like Yagami-kun. There was no need to use such words."

L sat up and floated into the living room. Light immediately felt an odd comfort taken from him as L moved.

"Wait…"

"Yagami-kun can get up now; I have no intention of laying on him again."

A thick muggy silence filled the house.

"…………L…?"

The rustling of glass rang through the apartment.

"…………L? Are you in the fridge?"

The clanging of random objects only continued.

"…L-"

"Its obvious that Yagami-kun has no interest in my deal, so I'll be on my way. I won't bother you again."

Light got up and followed the noise to the kitchen were L had successfully found the only sweet thing in the house, a piece of cheesecake. He had found a spoon in a matter of seconds and his eyes flickered of glee when he took his first bite.

"I'll just have a snack, and I'll be on my way." Crumbs tumbled from L's mouth as he spoke

Light watched L enjoy the cake. In all of his life, he had never seen anyone enjoy sweets more then L. He had never seen anyone enjoy anything the way L enjoyed his sweets.

"_He's so… I can't let him go again. If I let him leave now, I'll never see him again. I'll end up marrying Misa and I'll be alone in a world of idiots. If I keep him around at least I'll have company. No matter how strange and annoying." _

"I'm sorry." Light walked over to the counter L had decided to perch on. "I didn't mean to say what I did."

"You're lying through your teeth. What do you want Light-kun?"

Light figured he should get straight to the point.

"It gets boring around here, and you make good company."

"Am not here to appease you."

"Then how about I'll make you a deal."

"And what might that be?" L placed another spoonful of cake on his tongue. Smiling slightly as he did so.

"Keep me company for the rest of the week, and I'll agree to your deal."

"It seems too good to be true; I don't see why waiting a week would be beneficial to you Light-kun."

"My wedding is at the end of the week."

"All the more reason to make the deal now Light-kun."

"I need time to think over your deal. Am not sure if I want to bring you back to life."

"_That can't be the only reason Light wants to wait for. Am sure he has another motive, but for now, he has a solid enough reason." _

"Fine. If Light-kun wants a week he has it."

"Then I guess it a deal then."

Light mentally slapped him self. His raven-haired enemy was proving to be more troublesome then he ever thought any man could.


	8. Haired

Light paced back and forth. His mind was racing. The last part of his plan was going into effect in just a few days. And not even L himself would be able to stop it. Light felt a cold sweat form on his neck. Nervousness bubbled in his stomach. Years ago, right after he killed L, Light wrote all the names of the task force members in the death note. They would all gather in the church where Light and Misa's wedding ceremony would be held and just after Misa and Light say I do, the faulty beams of the church would break. The ceiling of the main chapel would fall down and the members of the task force would be killed instantly, leaving their friends and family unharmed and in mourning. This plan would rid the world of all other people that knew about the death note, and would forever insure Lights safety by disposing of the people that would be likely to suspect him of being Kira again. This plan involved precise timing and planning. It had taken years of waiting to make sure the plan went as smoothly as possible. And now that it was finally going to be put in motion, he wouldn't jeopardize it by agreeing to some ghosts half-baked scheme.

Lights feet burned as he continued to drag them across the carpet. He heaved a heavy sigh as images of L danced in his mind, terrorizing his long awaited plan.

Depression had made his mind dull and weak. The thought of having so much freedom and power now terrified him. All he wanted was to rest in his room, blocked of from the world forever. But thanks to his blood lust he now had to deal with a plan that would not be able to be stopped.

If the plan went well, all that would be left would be to attend the funerals. Him and Misa would destroy the task force equipment and if L's deal flopped, Misa and Light would increase the killings tenfold and the world would be in perfect order.

If the plan didn't move along smoothly.... The thought made Light's heart race and drop at the same time. If the plan didn't work, he was free to recede back into his room, free from power related burden. But the chances that he would go to jail were all the greater.... And what if L's deal did work? What would happen then?

Light got up once more and began to pace again. He felt restless and weak.

He walked over to his bed and crawled in. To sleep forever was all he wanted. But the world, and L would never let him do that. Not even if the sky fell.

---

L blinked slowly, he had watched Light pace up and down his room in a panicked frenzy, and work him self up into a deep distraught slumber.

"_Light-kun mustn't know am on to him." _

L crouched up to his golden-eyed counterpart. He stared into his sleeping face and felt a bubbly rush sweep across his chest. _"Of all the people to have such a irrational fondness for…"_ The infatuated onyx-eyed man gently brushed some of Light's hair away from his face. The contrast of a sleeping Light and an awake one was startling. He looked at peace in sleep, as if murder was never a thought that would cross his mind. _"Light must have some sort of plan he wants carried out. Something linked to the wedding…that must be the reason he want to wait till the end of the week." _The raven-haired detective let a smirk crawl across is lips. "Playing games as always Light…."

Following his detective intuition he stumbled into Misa's room and picked up the horribly hidden death note. _"Lights death note…."_ L flipped through the pages. Turning over his thoughts, trying to figure out what exactly Light could have planned. _"He could be planning to write names down, but how would that help him…now, Misa is doing that for him…unless…"_

L franticly turned deep into the book, until he came across the list of names he thought he would never see.

"_No…Light would never…."_ L wanted to die all over again. He had tried to prevent this during his life but to no avail; and now because of his failure, a group of noble, brave people would die.

"I see you found out Kira's plan…"

The familiar voice of Hindnori echoed through L's ears. The warmth of a warped heaven enveloped the dazed detective.

Hindnori came into view, smug and overflowing with arrogance in his cloudy whimsical surroundings.

"Now that you know Kira's plan, it makes my agenda all the more easier to complete"

"Get to the point Hindnori." L was growing impatient with the man's erotic actions.

"I didn't die to be summoned when ever you please."

"Yes you did L. In fact, I've brought you here to discuss something along those lines. If you don't give me control over your existence, I will kill Light."

"Why would I let you do that? What is the end to all this?"

" To make you miserable! I know you have a soft spot for Light Yagami. You're both sick, you talk about justice, and then trifle with your enemies."

"What would killing Light do for you."?

"It would make you upset. That's all that matters; causing you pain is my goal. The soon that you understand that, the sooner we can get on with this."

To L's surprise a scowl formed on his normally placid features.

"Stop that. Killing Light would be the only way to get underneath that pretty pale skin of yours." He laughed a cold nauseating laugh.

"Sick bastards. I'll give you a day to think about it. After that, I'll assume your answer is a no and kill your Light."

Hindnori disappeared from L's vision. Leaving the shaken detective battling with emotions he had denied for so long.

"L?" The voice of Watari soothed the startled man back into his usual logical state of mind.

"Yes, Watari." L's long lost companion came out of the radiant light in the horizon.

"From what I understand, you have a lot to think about."

"Yes, I know Watari, but I have a bigger problem."

"What is that?" Watari's gray eyebrows furred together in distress.

"I believe I love Light Yagami."


	9. Detectives

Thank you for the reviews everyone, I really appreciate them (^_^)

----

Watari saw it coming. Ever since the stoic man had laid eyes on his out-going counter part, they had an irrefutable spark.

"L, I think you have given Light a lot, I know that you care for him, but maybe you should let him suffer the consequences of his actions."

"I can't. There has to be another way, I just have to find it..."

L fell into deep thought as Watari looked on.

"Light is a foolish selfish man, if he doesn't see what you've done for him."

L smiled a small, sad smile. "Letting Light take my life was a mistake, but it was the best thing I could have ever done."

--

Light was in wedding hell.

Misa was flouncing around, her blond locks waving as she screeched and hollered about how Light looked in his tuxedo.

"You look so cute Light-kun. I can't wait to see you at the wedding. I can't wait till you see my dress. Do you think that the wedding cake will be made on time I hope so, because if its not…."

Misa's words drowned out into a series of squeaks and squeals.

"_I don't wanna deal with her for the rest of my life. I don't know if I'll make it through today." _Light sighed

"What's the matter Light-kun?"

"Nothing Misa my love, would you mind waiting in the car while I take care of the rest?"

"Okay!" Misa gave Light a peck on the check and skipped out of the store.

Light looked at himself in a nearby mirror. He looked handsome in his suit, custom made to fit his model-like body. But he felt like something is missing.

"_Am marrying the wrong girl." _ Every string of flesh, every finger, toe, and every other limb Light possessed was telling him marrying Misa was a mistake, but he couldn't stop the monster he created. Wedding or no wedding, the task force members would go in to the church to face their death.

"_What did I do" _Light was depressed and it showed through his eyes. They were riddled with potential tears and sadness trickled of his lashes.

"_Any other girl…any one else…" _Thoughts of women, any other woman then Misa, tantalized his mind. But each time he thought he had found the perfect one to marry, one that he wouldn't mind seeing every day, L would pop up instead. L, random and evil was ruining his thought process. L continued to make him angry until he was finished with his purchase.

"Did Misa Misa do something?" Misa stared at Light and for a minute he felt sorry she got pulled into his mess.

"No. It's just me, I need to get some rest"

The drive home was silent and tense.

Once they got home, Light promptly proclaimed he was tired, and rushed to the safety of his room.

He rushed in and closed the door behind him bolting it shut.

"Light-kun is back. I hope he doesn't mind I took some of the wedding favors for my self. " The stunned brunette looked up to see L with the box of wedding favors, munching away at the M&Ms stuffed inside little white mess bags.

"What are you doing? If Misa sees you…"

"You don't care about Misa Light-kun, stop pretending."

"I am not pretending. I care for Misa."

"But do you love her?"

"Stop it! I don't want to hear it any more!"

"The only reason you don't want to here is because you know its true."

L's dangerously dark eyes followed Light as he began to pace around his room.

"Light-kun looks like he is about to have a panic attack. I suggest he sits down."

"Leave me alone…please, just leave me alone!"

"No. Not until you understand what you're doing to your self and everyone around you. You're a murderer. Admit it. And know you are making your self miserable because of your own plan."

"And what do you know about my plan."

"That it's dangerous and is beyond your control. Stop mopping and except your fate."

"No! "

"You killed me. You killed millions. And know you're going to kill your closest friends."

"There was nothing I could do about it, everyone was in my way."

"Were they really?"

"Yes! I am the God of this world and anyone that doesn't conform will die."

"You're not a God. You're human. Just like me…"

"You're not human! Who are you kidding, you're dead!"

"It doesn't matter what I am, it doesn't change what you are Light-kun. And you're a murderer."

"Am not a murderer! " Light's face contorted into clear agitation "Am not a murderer!" His voice rose.

"Yes you are."

"No! No! No! No! **NO**!" Light's shoulders slumped. His sobs were painfully clear in the soundless room.

"Light?" L dropped his M&Ms and made his way over to Light.

"Light?" He didn't answer. L felt a curling, sinking feeling in his stomach. _"Fear…is this what it feels like?" _ He was afraid of Light's crying. He didn't want him to cry, he wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay that he was a bloodthirsty murderer. But it wasn't. He wasn't going to lie to him.

"You're acting like a baby Light-kun."

"Get out. I don't want to see you here ever again."

L knew he caused his crush pain. So with out any more useless painful words, he left.


	10. Love

**Important Authors Note:** Hi everyone!!! I want to thank everyone who has reviewed my story, you're all so awesome^_^. And I also wanted to let you all know that this is the next chapter of CursedCrushedLost will be its last, but the story will continue into a sequel called CursedCrushedHidden. I really hope you all enjoyed his story as much as I liked writing it.

---

_"I am a murderer"_ Light sat in a hotel room, alone and confused.

_"I am a murderer…and now L is gone."_ The honey-eyed man had let his depression get the best of him, and instead of just enjoying L's company he threw a tantrum.

_"Of course I threw a tantrum, he was telling me what I didn't want to here, what I've been ignoring for years now…and know I've killed people but…I am a murderer, aren't I…"_

Light sighed. Tomorrow morning, he would be married to Misa, shackled to her for the rest of his life.

_"I did this to my self…"_

---

"L? What are you doing here?" Watari was shocked to see L. He didn't think he would see him again so soon.

"I'm going to give my self over to Hindori. I have to protect Light. Even if he doesn't like me."

"L…" Watari has always trusted L's decisions, if this was what he thought was right, he wouldn't persuade him other wise. With a sad nod, Watari left L to take care of his business.

"Hindori! You've given me no choice! Come out!"

"So you've come around, huh? What will it be?"


	11. Cake

L quivered as he gave his response. "I will give you my existence…in exchange for Light's safety."

"_There Light. I've given you everything…don't screw this up." _

"I knew you'd come around! Come over here!"

Hidenori chuckled as L stepped closer. Hidenori's hand rested on L's chest, which provided a nauseating feeling.

The raven-haired man felt his heart grow cold. Color returned to his body in a frighteningly fast fashion, and before he could wonder why, he felt the sickening rush of returning to earth.

His hands touched the ground first. The ground was warm, but the warmth didn't compare to heaven. He had landed into the living room of Light's apartment. It was deathly silent and, things were scattered around on the floor haphazardly, as if someone was looking for something.

L used his arms to push his body up and into a clumsy crouching position. His body had weight and that scared the onyx-eyed man into a quiet panic.

_"I can't float...I must be visible...what did Hidenori do..." _

L wobbled to the nearest mirror and marveled at his lack of transience.

_"Am alive again...oh my…"_ The realization hit him the same time a strange buzz in his heart did. It was soft at first; L brushed it off as his heart beat returning, until it grew stronger and irregular. It consumed him faster then fire. L started to walk, with out his own consent.

_"Hidenori!" _

L was forced to be a spectator in his own body. He watched in annoyance and slight fear, as his body was lead out of Light's front door.

--

"Light! Light! Misa is coming!" Matsuda couldn't help but state the obvious as the wedding march started to play and the first hints of pure white skirts came into view.

_"I've done what I've done."_ Light thought. _"It's time to except it." _

Misa marched down the aisle beaming a brilliant smile as Light looked on, eyes glazed over in thought.

_"I wish L was here, if he was maybe I would be able to get thought this with out losing my mind." _

Misa finally stepped next to him. "You looked handsome Light-kun"

Light flashed a fake smiled at Misa as the ceremony began.

"We have come together to witness..."

_"I've treated L like shit. I've spent most of my time yelling at him, I even killed him. All so that I could get up to this moment. You would think I would be happier about it...What else would possibly make me happy though? "_

" These to bind their lives together in holly matrimony...."

_"I know I should have been nicer to him...why can't I just except the fact he is my only friend. Even in death he won't go away."_

"If any one has any reason these to should not be wed, please speak now, or forever hold your peace...."

Silence fell over the church

"Good. Do you Misa Amane take Light Yagami to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold. Through the good and the bad, through sickness and in health, until death do you part."

"I do!" Misa screeched

"Good. Do you Light Yagami take Misa Amane to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold..."

Footsteps could be heard down the hall

"Through the good and the bad..."

They weren't the sound of shoe or heel to marble. They sounded more like bare feet pounding against the ground.

"Through sickness and in health..."

The sound became dangerously close, making a few people in the back of the procession look back in distain.

"Until death-"

"Wait!" People gasped. The priest stood in shock. Misa fainted.

L ran up the aisle, gasping and panting for air. "Light-"

"Wait. L, I have to tell you-"

"No Light, please, don't interrupt me-" It pained L to speak. Hidnori wanted him to speak the painful truth of Light's life and then disappear from earth for eternity. It took everything for him to try to say the words Light needed to hear him say.

The task members in the audience looked on in awe.

"L, I've been terrible to you, I killed you."

A chorus of gasps echoed though out the church.

"I know Light but-" L preacticly pleaded. It was taking years of collective will power to attempt to mutter three words of pent up emotion and Light wasn't making it easy.

"L. Am sorry. Am sorry for being an ass. And for killing you. I know that saying sorry isn't nearly enough. But, maybe this is."

"Light I lo-"

"I except your deal L. I am sorry I killed you. And I wish I never did."

The wedding party burst into chaotic chatter.

Light and L started at each other as the world erupted into a bright burning light.

Hidenori's laughter filled their ears.

"You fools! My plan is complete!"


	12. Author's Note

Author's Note

Hello! I just wanted to let everyone know CursedCrushedHidden is up.

Just go ahead onto my author's page to find it.

Happy reading!

-SkyeoftheClouds


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